


atrox melior dulcissima veritas mendaciis

by injeoImis



Series: stillness in woe [2]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Fluff, Friendship/Love, Light Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-10
Updated: 2018-08-10
Packaged: 2019-06-12 06:15:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,565
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15333624
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/injeoImis/pseuds/injeoImis
Summary: the bitter truth is better than the sweetest lies.





	atrox melior dulcissima veritas mendaciis

the soft snores coming from his roommate began to make him feel suffocated. renjun couldn’t stop tossing and turning in his bed, flipping his pillows over to their cold side and kicking his socks off before he sat up with a silent groan. he looked over to jeno who was fast asleep, curled under the warmth of his covers against the chill from the aircon. renjun sighed, wishing he could be like that right now. unfortunately for him, he wasn’t.

 

there was only one thing renjun knew would be able to make him a little drowsy.

 

he carefully slipped out of his bed, grabbing his phone and airpods off their respective chargers and putting them in his pyjama pants pockets. renjun sneaked another look at jeno before opening his drawer to retrieve his sketchbook and materials.

 

 

> **to. haechan** : _u up_

 

 

> **from. haechan** : _who’s asking_
> 
> **from. haechan** : _reasonable renjun or emotional renjun_

 

 

> **to. haechan** : _… both._

 

 

> **from. haechan** : _rooftop?_

 

 

> **to. haechan** : _yes please_

 

renjun was already there by the time he sent his first text to donghyuck. it was weird, how the both of them were so restless lately. staying up until the early morning hours yet still having enough energy to do everything their schedules required without attracting the attention of their hyungs.

 

the raven haired teen took his seat near the ledge of the rooftop, sketching his millionth moomin, waiting for donghyuck to come.

 

he sighed. everything was changing. soon mark would be leaving dream. it was a good thing, maybe he wouldn’t be so overworked anymore (although the older teen said he liked being so busy). maybe mark would be able to make more time for the two of them, now that he wouldn’t be switching between the different groups.

 

renjun felt as though he was being pushed away. jisung and chenle were two peas in a pod, always attached at the hip. that would never change. he could say the same for jeno and jaemin. when the latter returned from his injury hiatus everything changed, again. renjun wasn’t sure if it was for better or for worse though.

 

what he did know is that he hated it. he hated that he missed jeno. his friend could be found draping a free arm around jaemin’s shoulder or staring at their friend for a little too long that even fans would point it out on twitter and vapp. why didn’t jeno look at him like that anymore?

 

jaemin was another story. jaemin thrived on skinship and verbal i love you’s. however, ever since his birthday, renjun hadn’t been on the receiving side of those luxuries he missed and taken advantage of.

 

he hated that he missed it.

 

renjun frowned, his eyebrows furrowed as his pencil broke. “mad that i’m late puberty boy?” a familiar high-pitched voice asked, wrapping a blanket around renjun’s shoulders.

 

“yeah. stop taking so long all the time,” he retorted, deciding on keeping his gaze on the city skyline.

 

he felt donghyuck’s eyes on him but didn’t say anything about it. he didn’t want to be the first person to talk even though he was the reason donghyuck was out here in the first place.

 

“something’s bothering you again?” the younger teen asked, bumping his own shoulder with renjun’s. “you know you can say anything, unfiltered. i don’t judge.”

 

renjun couldn’t help but chuckle at that. “you’d judge the specks of sand if you could.” donghyuck smiled at that. “well… you’re not wrong.”

 

the two sat in silence for a moment until donghyuck said something.

 

“if you won’t talk then can i?” he asked, turning to look at renjun. he nodded and donghyuck began his spiel, somehow his being somewhat similar to renjun’s own thoughts.

 

he laughed before starting though there was nothing to laugh about. “it’s funny isn’t it? how quickly you can be pushed aside yet it takes longer for the people who are supposed to care… it takes longer for them to notice that you’ve drifted away from them.”

 

 _hilarious_. renjun thought. he hummed, letting donghyuck know he was still listening.

 

“i don’t get it. i listen to taeyong hyung complain and boast about how hard everything is for him. i pat mark hyung on the back for what he does for us and the rest of the group. everyone seems to think he’s the golden boy. i’m in two groups too! i have other things to do too! no one ever comments about that.”

 

donghyuck sighed. “i love mark hyung. everyone knows that. but i’m seriously tired of being overlooked because he does a little bit more than i do. it’s not my fault he gets pushed by the managers more than me. i’ve worked just as hard as him to be where i am now. maybe i didn’t give up a college education but i gave up a lot. i deserve to be put on a pedestal just as much as him.”

 

renjun nodded. he bit his lip, not exactly sure what to say. he hated that, not knowing what to say. the dreamies came to him a lot for advice and words of wisdom as of late and he hated that there wasn’t much he could say or do.

 

“i see you, donghyuck. i see you working your ass off in the practice room and before you go to record. m-maybe i don’t exactly understand the stressors that come with being in two groups that promote around the same time but you deserve praise too.” he started and once he did, renjun couldn’t find his off button.

 

“you’re amazing! i’d be broken down by now, with all this stuff bottled up and kept to myself. you of all people would know just how much i’d cry to myself if everything ever got to be too much, which it does sometimes. i understand. sometimes you’d do anything to be back home with your family. a lot of the time, i wish i could snap my fingers and be home with my parents.” renjun mentally cursed for his voice giving out on him at the mention of his parents. part of him didn’t care. he wasn’t afraid to cry in front of donghyuck.

 

hell, he’d cried on national television twice at the tender age of sixteen so forgive him if he ever got a little emotional in private _or_ public.

 

“sometimes i wonder why i even came here. to a country i didn’t know. to pursue a life i was too young to fully understand.” renjun chuckled but there was nothing funny.

 

renjun felt donghyuck rest his head on his shoulder, wrapping his arms around renjun’s waist. “i get it.” donghyuck answered, in less than a whisper. of course he does. he’s been here longer. it’s been a harder ride for him.

 

“but it’s worth it. all this emotional constipation… the rush of adrenaline you get from people screaming your name. the echo of your voice from the microphone on stage. i get why everyone wants to be famous. but was this the right price to pay for fame?” donghyuck asks.

 

renjun knew it was a rhetorical question. there was no answer. even if he tried, it’d have to be some fake cheesy shit you’d see on a website from google.

 

“i feel… out of place.” renjun stated. he looked down at donghyuck for a moment, before returning his gaze to the sight in front of them.

 

“jisung and chenle have their place. you, jeno and jaemin have your place. what do i have? dream is a rotational unit. once i’m out, there’s nothing for me. they might as well lock me away in a basement for a year.” he concluded with a frown.

 

“don’t say that, injun,” donghyuck protested. “you have a place with us, the millennium line. you’ll always be with us, once we graduate dream and once we get placed into other units. you’ll always have me.”

 

renjun rolled his eyes playfully, “great. you’re all i ever wanted.”

 

the two laughed but the somber mood quickly returned.

 

“i’m serious, renjun. don’t let jeno come to me saying you were crying at night or something. i’ll always be here with my shoulder for you to lean on. and i hope you’d be there for me, too.”

 

renjun smiled, grabbing donghyuck’s cold hands with his own. “always. we can both be adolescent boys together.”

 

donghyuck shook his head furiously. “no way. just you. i don’t cry and listen to sad music on purpose. mister don’t go by exo. i remember that request on nct night night.” he teased, yet squeezing renjun’s hand.

 

“thanks for always coming out here, hyuck.” renjun thanked him again.  

 

donghyuck waved his hand to dismiss renjun’s thanks. “the world could be crumbling and i’d still come to this damned rooftop if you needed me renjun.”

 

“and stop saying thank you. your softness is ruining the hard image i’m supposed to give off,” donghyuck quipped. renjun pushed his side gently. “yeah right… hard image my ass. as if you weren’t being a big baby about an hour ago.”

 

donghyuck sighed. “an hour ago. time flies when you talk about your feelings, yeah?” renjun looked out at skyline again, the dark blues and purples mixing to become light pink and orange. “i suppose it does.”

 

“i’m glad it was with you though,” donghyuck commented, stealing a glance at renjun. he did the same. “me too.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> you can decide if you want renhyuck to be a thing in this or not,,, should i write more renhyuck?? :))
> 
>  [twitter](https://twitter.com/dunkyushot)  
>  [ko-fi](https://www.ko-fi.com/post/Commissions-S6S6STK1)


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